It is SO worth it!

It's so hard but it is so worth it! 

How many times have you heard this? Felt this? A lot,  right??? Because it's SO true. Dear God, it's SO hard sometimes. But then there are these big, redeeming moments that make your heart explode. Those moments where you can actually feel your heart growing in your chest. I've been reading a book called "Captivating" by Stasi Eldredge and it's opened my eyes to how women (not just men) were made in the image of God. This showed me something new. I see now, that God cares about the little details too. He truly cares about all the "important" things that run through (or take over) our minds each day as mothers and wives. He MADE us that way. 

Recently, I came through the "newborn fog". I went back to work and at 12 weeks old, my baby started sleeping through the night. Please don't hate me, I paid my sleep deprivation dues with my firstborn. This wasn't by chance though. I prayed for his sleep from very early on in pregnancy. I will never forget what I went through and for how long with my firstborn. I was prayed up! So, all glory to God!

Everything was going smooth and we were settling into a great routine. Barely a month into daycare he came down with RSV and ear infections. Our 2 year old also had double ear infections at the same time. JTTW. A baby this tiny that is sick is all new to me. My daughter didn't start daycare until 10 months and didn't get sick much even then! She was only breastfed 3 weeks. So, I just want to take this moment to say screw statistics. Anyways, between my husband and I sharing the responsibilities and taking turns missing work for the sick kiddos...it's been really hard, super hard. I know this is the first of many times we will face this. But it's still hard. Hard to see my infant sick, my 2 year old sick, my husband being dead tired, deal the stress of missing work and outrageous worries over every one of my humans all day. In a weak moment, my little girl grabs my tear stained face and says, "Mom, you okayyy? Don't cry, it's gonna be okayyyy." My heart did that thing and I will never forget that moment. Another time, I'm upset at my spouse and so angry I could spit fire or spew tears but I'm stopped by a tiny boy in my lap that looks at me with the biggest smile... like he just saw the most beautiful thing that God ever created. Yep, the heart thing again. 

He knows our every worry and pain. He cares. He's there for us. I'm afraid to think about where I would be without Jesus in my darkest hours. Past and present. It's comforting to know that He cares about my worries over my children, marriage and job. More than I do, He created me to feel these things. And He wants me to turn to Him when it's too hard. Only He can give me those moments where I see that I'm making a difference. In my daughter's compassion at the age of 2. In my son's big googley eyes and breathtaking smile. In my husband's strong embrace.

It's SO worth it. Don't give up, don't give in. He will bring you through every trial. Give it to God. And when you fail to give it all to God and go a little crazy, allow yourself to accept the grace that Jesus gave you with His life. If you're reading this then it isn't too late to let God have it.