My Birthing Story: A Beautiful Nightmare

The last couple weeks of my pregnancy I was in and out of my OBGYN's office. I wasn't sleeping and high blood pressure started becoming an issue. I was at work one day and started feeling like I was going to die. The nurses at my office checked my blood pressure and it was high enough for my doctor to want to see me. I went alone and scared. I knew what I was feeling wasn't normal. My doctor did a sonogram to check on the baby, prescribed high blood pressure medicine and sent me home on a couple days bed rest... with a bright orange bucket in tow. I had to start collecting urine in it the next morning and continue for 24 hours. Fun fact: you have to keep it cold. My refrigerator was violated as well as my dignity. Returning it, I had to carry it from the parking lot all the way to the 4th floor. Of course people knew what I was holding! Nod and smile, that's all I could do. Turning it in was uncomfortable too...  Hi, I'm  checking in and I have this jug of bodily fluids to give you. Yea, not my best moment! The urine test showed a little protein but I was not toxic. No dilation and another sonogram. The blood pressure medicine had started to work so he would see me back next week. Monday, I had a spell at work again... the medicine quit working. Back to the doctor and thankfully, my mother met me there. She joked with the doctor, "My birthday is Friday, please take her then!", he just laughed and replied, "You never know, it may happen." He did another sonogram, making sure she was breathing on her own because I was just now 37 weeks. He was concerned with the unexplained blood pressure and he could tell I felt awful. He put me on full bed rest and ordered another 24 hour urine. Just great, I did not have the energy for this! Mom and I went in Wednesday to turn in the newest batch I had cooked up. Again, no dilation and another sonogram. He had us stay while they tested it because if it was bad he would induce that day. I had my husband on standby at work and a few hours later the results were in. No increase in protein. He said to just rest and come Monday morning with our hospital bags. I would be 38 weeks by then and he could induce. I couldn't understand why I felt so bad. I didn't think I could survive until Monday but I had no choice. God must have known I couldn't make it either. 

Thursday night/Friday morning, I couldn't sleep... again. I got up at 2:45am to go use the bathroom. As soon as I stood up, a small gush of fluid left my body and rolled down my leg! I rushed to the toilet. My first thought was that my poor bladder had finally failed me. The fluid was tinted almost green and slowly kept coming. Did my water just break??? In movies, a woman's water breaking is basically a bucket of water turning over. Not what happened here. I wavered back and forth while I cleaned up the mess. Woke my husband up, told him what happened. He wasn't sure what to do besides call the doctor. Hesitating, I called my sister to get her opinion because she had done this before... she told me to call the doctor immediately! I did and he said to come on up to the hospital. We started our 45 minute drive... I was hoping I didn't wake my doctor up for nothing. I started having light contractions during the drive but still didn't believe I was in labor. I was thinking Braxton Hicks again and still leaning toward bladder failure. They had a room waiting for me when we made it there by 4am. I gave a urine sample which would also have the amniotic fluid in it if my water had broken. Sure enough, this was it! I had also dilated 2cm!!! We called our close family to give them the news. My parents were already on the way though, my mom just knew she was getting her birthday wish! 

I was not afraid until the nurse came in with some news. The fluid tested showed meconium. That's why it was tinted the light green color. This meant the baby had a bowel movement in the womb which could cause complications. Complete terror hit me. We started to pray. I've never prayed something so longingly in my life. Dear God, please let my baby be healthy!!! A peace came and my faith won over. 

By 6am I started having full blown contractions. The pain was surreal. They gave me Stadol first, which tried to force me to sleep. I hated it! I was so drunk that I couldn't form my words correctly. They took me off it because I would be getting my epidural soon. By then, the doctor had arrived and I was dilating a centimeter every hour. They only gave me Pitocin for a few minutes because my contractions were strong and frequent on their own. My water continued to break for hours, every time I moved fluid would gush out. The nurses said they had never seen so much! The contractions were getting stronger. The hand squeezing and hollering commenced! The epidural was put in, which I had been scared of, until I realized that contractions hurt worse than any needle ever could. Finally, about to be pain free! Not. A couple hours later I was still in pain. It didn't work!!! 7cm and these contractions were making me say dirty words! Please help me. Please! I've been through enough pain people! The doctor came in and broke the remainder of my water. You wouldn't think a beached whale could lift its body weight but my body raised off that bed like I had just been stabbed in the heart with straight adrenaline. That kind of pain should not exist!!! After seeing me writhing he says, "Let's order another epidural." Ya think?! The second epidural finally numbed my contractions... Thank you Lord!!!! Unfortunately it did not numb my skin. I felt it every time they checked me for dilation. No one tells you how much that hurts. Probably because most don't have to feel it. But me, I have all the luck! 

Around 4pm my contractions had been off the charts for hours but I had been stuck at 8cm for a couple hours now. I was wearing down, fast. I couldn't eat anything but ice chips. A huge deal when you're pregnant. The baby was face up, the doctor didn't like that along with the meconium. I knew what was coming and I was prepared. Or so I thought. He had me start pushing to see if that would help me dilate the final 2cm. I felt that pain too because my flesh was not numb at any point. It didn't work. He said we gave it our best effort. 12 hours of labor and feeling most of the pain. C-Section over here please!  

I was exhausted to the point where I was asking myself if I was still alive. They wheeled me into the coldest room on earth. Slid me on the exam table and started to sterilize my belly. The anesthesiologist started shooting ice cold medicine in my epidural line. "Can you still raise your legs?", he asked. "Yep!", I replied. That same conversation repeated a handful of times over the next little while. The doctor scraped a metal instrument across my belly several different times and I was able to feel it every time. He then apologized and told me they would have to put me under to take the baby out. I didn't care at this point... I wanted my child! They weren't going to let my husband come in now but I started crying and they caved. The next few minutes were horrific. He shot something in my IV and I was gone. I woke up, which I now know, was less than 2 minutes later. I was being sawed in half. I could feel being cut open and I thought I was dying. My husband glared at me with a look of fear on his face that I had never seen. That did not comfort me at all! Later he would tell me that I pulled the sterile curtain down and he had to help hold my arms down while they finished taking the baby out. I could hear the doctors and nurses saying, "Put her back out!" "She's not supposed to be awake!". I was screaming to the top of my lungs on the inside but my husband told me I just kept mumbling, "I'm not supposed to feel this." I heard them saying, "Hurry, let her see the baby!" because they knew what that would do. 

When I finally saw her from half way across the room... the pain vanished. My love. Tears of the purest joy rolled down my face. They brought her close and the moment I had waited for what seemed like an eternity was here. I held my daughter. The most special thing I had ever held in my hands. Nothing could ever compare. She was healthy and breathing wonderfully on her own! 8lbs 14oz, 21 1/2 inches long and a head full of black hair. She was the most beautiful thing my eyes had ever seen. Thank you Jesus for the most amazing gift ever!!! 

Through the night, our baby girl developed low blood sugar. After the last reading the nurse told me that she would be put in the NiCu if it didn't come up. Terror struck again. Thank God the next reading was a littler higher and kept coming up. She was going to be just fine. 

The next couple of days were spent in the hospital. The first time out of bed I thought I would rip in half, the nurse told me I should start feeling my legs soon.... Um, they never went numb. I had a very difficult recovery ahead. I was helpless! My nurses, husband and I became extremely close. My husband was incredible. He nursed me until I could help myself. He helped me shower, use the restroom, walk, sit, stand and dress. After 3 nights and 4 days... I passed the test to go home. By test, I mean gas. We could finally start our lives at home with our new addition! I was in excruciating pain every single time I moved for weeks but I was certainly glad to be able to cry in the privacy of my own home. Finally, at about 4 weeks out, I started walking completely upright and the pain would be every other day instead of constant. I had naively thought it would be better to be cut on my stomach rather than my nether regions. HA!!! Recovery for vaginal delivery is 1-2 weeks. It's 4-6 for a section. The doctor told me that the length of hard labor I endured and amount trauma from the anesthesia failing would make my recovery especially difficult. He wasn't lying!!!

I had a bright little light shining in all of that dark pain. My daughter could fill my heart when the pain was too much to bear. She was worth every single second of misery. At 2 months out, I still have pains with my incision and soreness in my pelvis daily. It's completely bearable compared to what I've gone through. I feel like I could face anything now. It was the absolute hardest thing I've ever done in my life. That's saying a lot if you knew my past medical history. I knew it wouldn't be easy, things usually aren't for me. I'm built for all of it though. God knew what I could handle. Why I had to go through all of that, I don't yet know. But I'd do it over and over again for my little girl.

Emry Sage brings us constant joy! She is an amazing child! Full of personality and strong as an ox. She reminds me of myself already! Having her is the absolute best thing I've ever done with my life. It is my goal to give her the greatest life possible. I can't wait to teach her the love and values we have established in our life through Christ. It's so exciting to watch her grow and change every day. I look forward to waking her up every morning (more like her waking me up) to see what new sound or face she is gonna make. She makes my heart sing so loud. I never knew the pride that could flood my heart when I said the words, "My daughter". What a feeling.