My Pregnancy: Heaven, Hell & High Water

Some women love being pregnant. I did not. I loved the fact that I was pregnant but I did not love the symptoms. I had guilt throughout my pregnancy for not loving every minute of it. After all, there are women who would give anything to be in my shoes. I was one of them in what seems like a lifetime ago. I was on fertility drugs for over a year during my first marriage. That one year of not being able to get pregnant and not knowing if I would ever have a baby on my own was desperately painful. 

So, 3 months into my brand new marriage, my soul mate and I decided to "see what happens". I was prepared for a long battle considering my past. We decided if we weren't pregnant in a year that we would go to the doctor about fertility. Low and behold, God blessed us on our first time of "seeing what would happen". I was floored! My journey began. 

I was only a couple days "late" if shark week was on schedule, but it varied by a couple days every month. Sunday, during church, our pastor prayed, "Somewhere in this room there is an unborn child who will have a very blessed life." I felt something in my soul, a quickening. Tears streamed... I couldn't stop them. Later that day, I told my husband that I felt like the pastor was talking about us. He didn't share my joy of this epiphany, and he seemed to kind of brush it off. Understandably, he didn't want me to get my hopes up. I decided to take an HGC strip test at work the next day and it was negative. I was let down, the feeling from the past crept up. It didn't stay long though... I knew, I just knew. The next day, April Fool's Day, I bought an early detection test after work. I rushed home, took the test and those 2 pink lines immediately popped up. This was it, the indescribable feeling that I had yearned for so many times before. My dream was coming true. A husband that treated me like gold and a bun in the oven. My happily ever after. 

 

2 pink lines!!!

First Trimester:

The first 8 weeks was pure bliss. We proudly shared our good news with family and close friends. 2 months down, no sickness! This is easy! Of course, I had a plan. I was gonna exercise regularly, drink my body weight in water every day and eat healthy. I laugh when I think about it now. At 8 weeks the morning sickness started. It wasn't just in the mornings, it did not discriminate against any of the clock settings. I puked every day, for over 60 days. I also had an insatiable appetite. I felt like pregnant Bella from that Twilight movie. Except my quenchers were cheeseburgers, oreos and fried chicken. At 9 weeks I couldn't get my pants over my behind. I didn't know this kind of hunger existed. It physically hurt. I was convinced I had twins in there for awhile and that the sonographer was just missing it. I pulled my SI joint, hurt like hell, could barely walk and I could only take Tylenol. I required a chiropractor and physical therapy for weeks. The exercise goal died there. I then developed insomnia, fatigue, hemorrhoids from the depths of hell, flatulence that would make Homer Simpson blush, acid reflux that burned my throat daily and an itchy rash on my back that ALL stayed the duration of my pregnancy. I was miserable.

Our pregnancy announcement!

Second Trimester:

Weight gain, obscene weight gain. I did not handle packing on the pounds very well at first. I had always had body image issues but what woman doesn't, right? I cried every time my clothes didn't fit when I got dressed. And by crying, I mean I threw a fit. I was hormonal in every sense of the word. My poor, poor husband. I felt like a psycho. How could I vomit so much and still gain weight? This was so unfair!!! I wanted to love my growing belly but I was self conscious for months. Week 15, I felt my "little turkey nugget" move! Just a flutter but it stopped me in my tracks and I prayed to feel it again. What a feeling, I was elated!!! That same week we found out we would have a girl. Emry Sage would be her name. Sage being a name my husband and I had argued over many years ago when we were friends. Our truce was, whoever had a girl first could use it. Oh, how our God has a sense of humor! Week 16, I finally stopped getting sick every day. I started to accept my new body and that it would never be the same. I prayed for the grace to embrace it and with time, it came. I then went through a bout of depression. I wasn't seeing my friends anymore, it had been months. They still kept in contact but I missed being with them. I wanted to hang out and act goofy like we used to every weekend. I felt forgotten. My husband worked a lot and I just got lonely. I desperately wanted a friend to just come lay on the bed, watch a chick flick and eat oreos with me (they would have to bring their own). I lost a couple friends, had more distant relations with some and developed stronger relationships with some existing "mommy" friends. I also grew closer to my mom, sister and husband. They were my main confidants and never grew weary of my complaints. I had a new life and I needed to accept it. After much prayer and a weekend getaway... I started to feel good again. Not myself but a new self. A better self.

It's a girl!!!

Third Trimester:

They say this is the worst one but it was my best as far as emotions go. My mood swings had decreased immensely. I had four amazing baby showers and really felt the love that I had been missing. I enjoyed Emry Sage dancing inside me. Every time she moved was a new and glorious experience. I continued to suffer the before mentioned symptoms as well as occasional morning sickness. Unfortunately, new ones emerged. The worst one being shooting pains in my "under yonder region". It was unbearable! I would cry out in pain when I turned over in bed. I scared my husband many times because he thought I had gone into labor. I couldn't handle it. I was weak. I felt my body wearing down. This baby couldn't come soon enough for me. My hips hurt constantly. I felt like the 600lb man. I was over it!

The time eventually came. I went into labor at 37 weeks. I think God knew I couldn't make it another 3! The moment I had waited for all this time. The silver lining began shining through. I began my birthing experience and I thanked God for making me strong by making me weak. The long suffering had a purpose and I couldn't wait to meet her! She was and continues to be the reason for my entire being. I found my calling and it was to be a mother. I would do it again over and over the rest of my life to have Emry with us!